How Do I get My Partner to See a Psychologist

Overcoming Barriers to Mental Health Care

Caelen and Maddie are a professional couple living in Melbourne’s inner east. They had a happy relationship, until recently, when Caelen began experiencing extra stress at work. Maddie supported him. When he came home with increasingly anxious concerns about his job security, his colleagues and his boss, she was there with a sympathetic ear. Over time though, his perception of his workplace dynamic became more and more paranoid. He became convinced that his coworkers and bosses were “out to get him”.

At first, Maddie believed that her partner was stuck in a toxic workplace, but as his paranoia escalated, she urged him to talk to someone who could help him get clarity. Caelen dismissed the idea. When Maddie raised it again, it turned to an argument and Caelen began redirecting his paranoia at her, creating a rift in the relationship.

When your partner doesn’t believe there is anything wrong, when their perception of events seems clear to them, but distorted to those around them, getting them to seek help may well become part of the deepening mental health crisis. How can you convince your partner to seek psychiatric help?

Set clear boundaries

Supporting your partner through a mental health crisis should never mean you feel threatened or attacked. If your partner begins engaging in accusatory or violent behaviours, set clear boundaries and see support.

First, focus on the feelings

Encourage your partner to talk about how their interactions and perceptions are making them feel. Understanding and identifying how your partner is feeling (be it anxious, scared, threatened, confused or persecuted) will give you insight into their frame of mind. Encourage them to talk about their feelings rather than the events. While their perception of events may seem distorted to you, the resulting feelings will provide you with clarity.

Don’t deny their feelings or their perception

Ask them to explain the event as they perceive it. Focus on how that made them feel. Model how that may make you feel and how you may have perceived the same event.

Choose your time and place to raise the idea carefully

Be calm, wait for them to be calm. Choose a quiet, private place to have the discussion.

Focus on Care and Love, not Control

Tell your partner that you are worried about them and how it’s making you feel. Make it clear that their wellbeing is important to you. Talk about the benefits of talking to someone who understands how they’re feeling better than you can. Talk about how a psychologist can make them feel better, to “unjumble” their current feelings and reduce the “overwhelm”. Ask them if they think that this could be beneficial to them, to feel less overwhelmed by negative emotions. Don’t tell them that they MUST go. Don’t force them or issue ultimatums. Don’t shame them.

Have a Suggestion Ready

If your partner seems more open to the idea, have a suggestion ready. Don’t suggest you’ll share their struggles with friends and family to get a recommendation. Do research prior to the conversation, have a Melbourne psychologist in mind. Make sure that they’re accepting new patients and that they come well reviewed and recommended. Make it simple for your partner to take a step towards healing.

Best Case Scenario if they Still Refuse

Should your partner refuse, the conversation may be a reminder to them that their perceptions aren’t necessarily what yours are. This can lead to two very different outcomes. First, they may “come around” to the idea. The conversation may lead to them reflecting on each new interaction which in turn helps them acknowledge that they could benefit from professional psychological help.

If the Situation Escalates

If they don’t however, you may see an intensification in their paranoia. They may refrain from telling you about interactions. This is not your fault. It’s not their fault, but it is their responsibility. Your responsibility is to protect yourself from harm, be it psychological or physical. If your partner refused help, and the crisis escalates, the best you can do, is to call an ambulance. Never place yourself in harm’s way. While calling an ambulance, and perhaps committing your partner to inpatient treatment may seem to them like a betrayal at first, the healing process is all about changing those perceptions, so with the right treatment, your partner should understand that you did it out of love.